Mad world

... I still love him.

Even if he did the worst stuffm even if he just wants me for sex now. No matter what. I still love him. When he tells me.. when he tells me what he'd do to me if we were any nearer, I can't stop those shivers. I just can't. It's just the same way things were back in december, except there is no more hope.

Still his words haunt me. "You are perfect". "You are all I ever wanted". I know he doesn't think the same now, and that is the ironic part. Because at that moment it was so true. And it's still true because I haven't changed.

...I'm still perfect. I wish I was. But I am... To me, I am, I am the way I should be. Short. Smart. Literate. Artistic. Aggressive. Anarchist. Unstable. Emotional. Obsessive. Natural. Sexy.

Yes I do believe I am all those things. Are any of those girls as complex as me?

Are any of those girls half as intelligent as I am?

But why would he want a complex, or intelligent girl, when he could have a sweet, candid, mainstream average girl? Aren't they more convenient? Nice. Pretty. Feminine. Friendly. Smiling. Down to earth.

I guess it's better that way. ...No I don't but I'll pretend. I always do.