Dirty

I feel so dirty.

On October 28th I met this 27 years old guy who asked me for my phone number, which I gave him. A week later he was calling me so we could go take a coffee. I accepted, but we ended up having a drink or two instead. It was a fun little evening and we promised to call each other back.

Once again a week later he called me, proposing that we go to a rave together yesterday night. I pondered and then chose to accept the proposition.

We went for a drink before, and then to the rave, which we barely stayed at. We mainly.. made out there... And then he invited me over at his apartment and I accepted.

I feel dirty. We haven't slept together and I'm proud... I slept in his arms and it felt good. But he called me by my real name and this hurt me so much I couldn't even tell him.

I felt dirty towards myself for being once again a prisoner of sex, I felt dirty towards him because he keeps paying me stuff all the time and I managed to escape what looked like something that was going towards... a confession?

And I feel dirty towards the person I love. Not that he cares, anyways. But he's the one I love.

I hate myself.