When will I break?
I dumped Charles on Saturday evening. Because it was just too much. When he told me he was going to see Amadeus with Claudio, when I asked him to come with me MONTHS ago and he told me he could not cuz he had no money...
No, it was just.. plain too much. Couldn't hold it any longer. I just broke. Something in me just broke. I knew I couldn't stay with him any longer if I wanted to still be able to face my own face in a mirror.
He doesn't even fucking care. He stopped loving me for so long.. And I knew it... Why did I even had a faint hope his freaking lies might have been the truth? When will he stop LYING to freaking everyone? He won't stop giving out 3 different versions of the same stories... Was he ever honest with me? I hate him.
God, I hate him. His fucking... superior tone of voice and his way of acting with me like I'm so much younger and immature and I have so much lesser experience... DAMN! He's acting the same way I did when I was 14 years old... And he's goddamn 20!
Just a few flashbacks, to make me hate him even more... Just so it can keep me from being sad:
-And then I lighted myself a cigarette in the changing room.
-Why did you do that? the door was only 2 meters from you
-Yeah, but I was PISSED OFF because there had been a fire alarm
-Oh. Adolescent rebellion, I see.
-Shut up, you're the adolescent one here!
-Yeah, but I didn't do such juvenile things.. for at least a couple years
-Pfff
-Hahaha! It's so funny eh!
-What's so funny?
-Oh, I won't repeat it! I'll never repeat it!
-That's stupid
-I have the right to do what I want
-Yeah, and I have the right to have my opinion, and my opinion is the way you're acting is stupid
-[...] Then we went to the train station and [...] it was such an awesome night!
-I see
-Could you stop repeting "I see"?
-It's not that I don't care it's just.. kind of that, actually.
-Well at least when *I* didn't care, I pretended
-Be proud of lying to me all this time if you want
-I'm not proud or ashamed of it, it's just neutral you know?
-I see
-I had the most amazing night of this year tonight! This was awesome!
-Nice to know you're best night is the one I'm not with you
-You know how [...] he's such an amazing movie maker and [...] so good!
-Act like you didn't hear me
-What are you talking about?
-Whatever
-Are you okay with it?
-Yeah
-You sure you are okay with it?
-Yes, I swear
-I want you to stop doing drugs
-I tought you were okay with it!
-Oh, you know, it's my ego, so I lied to you
-I don't want you to pick up cocaine again
-I won't, I swear I'll never do it again. You mean too much for me.
-I did coke the other day. I hated it.
-You promised you'd never do any!
-Shhhh
-I don't mind that you did some! It's your life... But don't make promises you can't keep!
-I said SHHHH
-That's it, keep on living in your little imaginary world.
-My little imaginary world only fucking exist in YOUR little imaginary world!
-I swear it on our love.
-Okay, I believe you then.
-Maud didn't lie. I really stole your backup CDs while you were showering.
-How could you do that to me? I trusted you!
-How could you lie to me, swearing on our love when you were lying?
-That's 'cause I was NOT lying!
-I don't believe you, I have proofs!
-What proofs do you have, the backup CDs you stole from me and misinterpreted from A to Z?
-You cheated on me with Samir!
-What the HELL are you talking about! Where did you hear that!
-Uh.. I don't remember but I know it's true!
-Come pick up your books. NOW!
-I'll go later.
-No, I said now.
-Whatever, okay.
-How could you cheat on me with Jo?
-How could you cheat on me with Caro when I specifically said you could do it with anyone but her?
-Why did you call me so early? You know I never get home before 6pm!
-Ah, stop yelling at me!
-Well, why don't you stop forgetting anything related to me!
-I cheated on you with Remy
-I don't care
-I want to be honest anyways
-I don't care anyways
-I know, you never care for me anyways.
-I just need to get acquainted to you once again, I'll go back to who I was before.
-How come you need to get re-acquainted to me for a 3 weeks break in a 11 months relationship!
-[...] so that's what he did.
-Uhuh
-You don't care, do you?
-Nah, I care, it's just that I'm tired.
-Yeah right.
-No really, I mean, it's the hangover.
-You didn't look so hangovered talking to Victoria and Regine earlier.
-I was just faking it.
-Yeah right
-Why do you stay alone over there? Come sit with me outside.
-Okay, why not.
-Alone? Am I translucent or what? Sometimes I feel like I don't even exist anymore
-Why did you leave so angry?
-I wasn't angry, I was just rushed.
-Where were you gone?
-Over at my place to fetch my guitar
-And this took you more than an hour?
-It's 'cause I met my uncle on the way.
-Yeah right. Why didn't you tell me goodbye?
-Because I was on a rush.
-To get your guitar?
-Yeah.
-I see. And then why the hell did you tell Dom you were going for a walk? Whatever
No, it was just.. plain too much. Couldn't hold it any longer. I just broke. Something in me just broke. I knew I couldn't stay with him any longer if I wanted to still be able to face my own face in a mirror.
He doesn't even fucking care. He stopped loving me for so long.. And I knew it... Why did I even had a faint hope his freaking lies might have been the truth? When will he stop LYING to freaking everyone? He won't stop giving out 3 different versions of the same stories... Was he ever honest with me? I hate him.
God, I hate him. His fucking... superior tone of voice and his way of acting with me like I'm so much younger and immature and I have so much lesser experience... DAMN! He's acting the same way I did when I was 14 years old... And he's goddamn 20!
Just a few flashbacks, to make me hate him even more... Just so it can keep me from being sad:
-And then I lighted myself a cigarette in the changing room.
-Why did you do that? the door was only 2 meters from you
-Yeah, but I was PISSED OFF because there had been a fire alarm
-Oh. Adolescent rebellion, I see.
-Shut up, you're the adolescent one here!
-Yeah, but I didn't do such juvenile things.. for at least a couple years
-Pfff
-Hahaha! It's so funny eh!
-What's so funny?
-Oh, I won't repeat it! I'll never repeat it!
-That's stupid
-I have the right to do what I want
-Yeah, and I have the right to have my opinion, and my opinion is the way you're acting is stupid
-[...] Then we went to the train station and [...] it was such an awesome night!
-I see
-Could you stop repeting "I see"?
-It's not that I don't care it's just.. kind of that, actually.
-Well at least when *I* didn't care, I pretended
-Be proud of lying to me all this time if you want
-I'm not proud or ashamed of it, it's just neutral you know?
-I see
-I had the most amazing night of this year tonight! This was awesome!
-Nice to know you're best night is the one I'm not with you
-You know how [...] he's such an amazing movie maker and [...] so good!
-Act like you didn't hear me
-What are you talking about?
-Whatever
-Are you okay with it?
-Yeah
-You sure you are okay with it?
-Yes, I swear
-I want you to stop doing drugs
-I tought you were okay with it!
-Oh, you know, it's my ego, so I lied to you
-I don't want you to pick up cocaine again
-I won't, I swear I'll never do it again. You mean too much for me.
-I did coke the other day. I hated it.
-You promised you'd never do any!
-Shhhh
-I don't mind that you did some! It's your life... But don't make promises you can't keep!
-I said SHHHH
-That's it, keep on living in your little imaginary world.
-My little imaginary world only fucking exist in YOUR little imaginary world!
-I swear it on our love.
-Okay, I believe you then.
-Maud didn't lie. I really stole your backup CDs while you were showering.
-How could you do that to me? I trusted you!
-How could you lie to me, swearing on our love when you were lying?
-That's 'cause I was NOT lying!
-I don't believe you, I have proofs!
-What proofs do you have, the backup CDs you stole from me and misinterpreted from A to Z?
-You cheated on me with Samir!
-What the HELL are you talking about! Where did you hear that!
-Uh.. I don't remember but I know it's true!
-Come pick up your books. NOW!
-I'll go later.
-No, I said now.
-Whatever, okay.
-How could you cheat on me with Jo?
-How could you cheat on me with Caro when I specifically said you could do it with anyone but her?
-Why did you call me so early? You know I never get home before 6pm!
-Ah, stop yelling at me!
-Well, why don't you stop forgetting anything related to me!
-I cheated on you with Remy
-I don't care
-I want to be honest anyways
-I don't care anyways
-I know, you never care for me anyways.
-I just need to get acquainted to you once again, I'll go back to who I was before.
-How come you need to get re-acquainted to me for a 3 weeks break in a 11 months relationship!
-[...] so that's what he did.
-Uhuh
-You don't care, do you?
-Nah, I care, it's just that I'm tired.
-Yeah right.
-No really, I mean, it's the hangover.
-You didn't look so hangovered talking to Victoria and Regine earlier.
-I was just faking it.
-Yeah right
-Why do you stay alone over there? Come sit with me outside.
-Okay, why not.
-Alone? Am I translucent or what? Sometimes I feel like I don't even exist anymore
-Why did you leave so angry?
-I wasn't angry, I was just rushed.
-Where were you gone?
-Over at my place to fetch my guitar
-And this took you more than an hour?
-It's 'cause I met my uncle on the way.
-Yeah right. Why didn't you tell me goodbye?
-Because I was on a rush.
-To get your guitar?
-Yeah.
-I see. And then why the hell did you tell Dom you were going for a walk? Whatever
posted by Pavlova @ 7:17 PM
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